An

Who Prevaricated and Became a Non-achiever

Apologies to H Belloc and his Cautionary Verses for children

Newspaper Headline – Scientists patent technology to make male eggs and female sperm

There was a Sperm, An to its mates,

Who was sent out to Procreate

Yet didn’t know which way to swim:

‘Am I from Her or from a Him?

Anna or Andrew? Angus? Anne?

Expound my Chromosomes if you can.’

The other Sperms shrug off An’s woe:

‘You Ditherer, go with the Flow,’

But still An weeps, ‘Am I Annette

Or Anatole? Will I beget

An all male Woman? Female Man?

A Chimera or a Caliban?’

Around the petri dish An twists

Till noticed by the Scientist

Who shouts and stamps (her name is Meg),

‘You! Go to work upon that Egg!’

(You guessed correctly, winsome Child,

I named her Meg to rhyme with Egg.

Don’t interrupt, it’s rude and wild.)

Meg is irate; her PhD

Is in Financial Jeopardy.

She sends her Boss a begging Email.

‘Dear Egg,’ says An, ‘Now are you Female?

Or an engineering Freak

Made from a Man?  Be Honest! Speak!’

The Egg replies, ‘There’s Legislation

Forbidding Sex Discrimination.

So watch your language.  If you Sin

The Thought Police will run you in.’

But An still dithers, bites its Tail

Drifts in circles as it wails,

‘Am I from Him or from a Her?’

Disintegrates into a Blur.

The Egg shrugs, lacking all concern,

Floats off to find a wiser Sperm.

Sagacious Child! Since you insist

On Morals –

                        Shun the Scientist.